Category Archives: Party-Sized
A holiday recipe? Nearly two months before the actual holiday? Surely the Bartender hasn’t sold out to the ever-increasing, ever-bemoaned commercialization of the winter months? No, dear reader. Rather, today’s recipe is of the old-fashioned variety, where aging and anticipation both increase its savor. But first, the origin story!
The Rebel Spouse, who has been known to hang out in the Something Awful Forum Goon community, came to the Bartender a few years ago with this recipe. “We have to try this,” he said, in a tone that brooked no argument. “The goons call it ‘Fuckin’ Nog’, short for ‘The Best Fucking Eggnog You Will Ever Drink’.”
Looking over the recipe, and mentally calculating the calories (not to mention the booze content) involved, your Bartender’s eyes widened. “If we drank this all ourselves, we’d be spherical. Possibly dead and spherical. Certainly dead drunk. And spherical.”
“Then we’ll have to have a party,” the Spouse decided. “We know enough people here to have a Christmas party, don’t we?” Though at the time we’d just moved to Bisbee, the promise of such alcoholic delight proved a potent lure, and the Rebel Christmas Party was a modest success during the years it was held, in large part due to the eggnog.
Incidentally, this recipe may well be the perfect use for Kirkland Signature Bourbon, as the strength of flavor that makes it so overpowering an experience drunk straight serves it well against the incredible richness of the eggs and cream – and it’s inexpensive, to boot. Even better, Kirkland has seen fit to add a quite tasty and reasonably-priced spiced rum to its line (review forthcoming!), which also serves well.
A note on aging: Though it goes against the usual instant gratification of drink-mixing, the secret to a truly great nog is aging. Buy a cheap gallon jug of water from the store, empty the jug, fill it with nog, and stick it in the back of the fridge for a month, checking it now and again and shaking it up if it separates. The leftovers you can keep handy, and try a little bit each weekend until your party. You’ll likely be amazed at the improvement in mellowness and depth that the nog takes on each week. (The Bartender has heard tell of folk making theirs a year ahead of time and keeping it in the garage – and it’s true that the booze quantity is likely sufficient to kill anything that might try to grow in the nog! – but that seems slightly overkill.)
Old-School Egg Nog
Adapted from “The Joy of Cooking”, with help from the Something Awful Forum Goons
serves approximately 20, or one Goon
12 eggs, separated
1 pound confectioner’s sugar
3 cups bourbon
2 cups spiced rum
2 quarts whipping cream
pinch of salt
freshly grated nutmeg
Strain the egg yolks through a sieve and beat until light in color. Gradually add the sugar. While continuing to beat, slowly add 2 cups of the bourbon. Cover the mixture and let stand for 1 hour to dispel the “eggy” taste.
Add the rest of the liquor and the cream, beating well. Cover and refrigerate the mixture for 3 hours.
Beat the egg whites until stiff but not dry. Fold them into the other ingredients. Grate nutmeg to taste into the eggnog and fold it in. Transfer to a jug or pitcher, cover, and let age in the refrigerator for thirty days.
Serve in small cups (the one in the picture is a double-serving), with a sprinkling of fresh nutmeg grated over each pour.